In any organization, it is common to encounter problematic situations where the expression of dissatisfaction is not always optimal for maintaining harmonious working relationships.
Let’s take the example of Stéphanie and Josée, two colleagues taking part in a team meeting. Stephanie, who has difficulty expressing herself in a group, is regularly interrupted by Josée. This recurring situation disturbs Stéphanie to the point where she loses the thread of her ideas, and undermines her self-confidence.
Until now, Stephanie had kept her dissatisfaction to herself, never expressing it to Josée. But that day, after yet another interruption from Josée, Stéphanie couldn’t contain her emotions; she got up and left the room.
Have you ever been in a similar situation? It’s a seemingly banal example, but one that demonstrates the importance of naming your needs and expressing your emotions to prevent dissatisfaction turning into conflict.
In this article, as a solution to these common relational issues in the workplace, we present non-violent communication (NVC) as a tool for fostering good relationships at work. Through the case study above, you’ll gain a better understanding of what NVC is and how to apply it.
What Is Non-Violent Communication?
Developed in the United States in the 1960s by Dr. Marshall RosenbergMarshall RosenbergNon-violent communication aims to establish relationships between human beings based on harmonious cooperation and respect for oneself and others.1
Based on the values of benevolence, openness and authenticity, NVC is used to improve inter-individual and group relations in conflict management and mediation.
NVC helps you break out of the vicious circle of anger, revenge and the search for someone to blame. It enables us to take full responsibility for our actions. It has the power to overcome the feelings of powerlessness and resignation that often lead to anger or depression.
Non-Violent Communication: The 4 Stages Of The Process
Back to now to Stephanie. To deal with the conflict with Josée using non-violent communication, Stephanie has to put into practice the qfour steps following:
1. Make a precise observation of the situation or context
- Naming facts not judge behavior or attitudes.
- The facts are observable and specific. They can be clearly named and address the following behaviors or the situation.
- Caution with judgments! They are based on perceptions and are aimed at the person.
Setting the scene for stage 1 :
Fact“I was talking about my project and you interrupted me twice in the first few minutes of my presentation.”
Judgment: “You’re never able to wait your turn to speak.”
It’s important to understand that Josée’s reaction will be totally different if Stephanie uses facts instead of judgments. Here’s a chart showing the distinctions between the two.
The facts lead to : | Judgments result in : |
opening and reception of the message | defensive reactions |
good will and understanding | power relations |
maintaining the collaborative relationship | side effects and escalation |
changes in behavior | Unchanged behaviors |
Dr. Henry Cloud – https://www.drcloud.com/
2. Recognize your feelings
Stephanie’s feelings are legitimate and non-negotiable. For every individual, feelings signal that we have unmet needs. So, at this stage of non-violent communication, we need to express our feelings sincerely and stay true to our feelings.
The use of “I” in non-violent communication is essential for expressing feelings and needs (which we’ll look at in step 3) in a personal, non-accusatory way. This opens the way to a more constructive and empathetic dialogue, fostering better mutual understanding and more effective conflict resolution.
Setting the scene for stage 2 :
“I’m destabilized when I’m interrupted, because I’m embarrassed to speak in front of several people. Then I lose confidence in myself and feel like keeping quiet.”
3. Identify our needs
By clearly identifying and communicating her needs, Stephanie avoids misunderstandings and frustrations that can lead to conflict. To help her identify her needs, she can ask herself the following question: “What makes me feel this way?
In any relationship, recognizing and respecting the needs of others creates an environment of respect and cooperation.
Stage 3 situation:
“Before answering questions or taking feedback, I need to be able to finish my presentation. Listening and respect are important values to me.”
4. Expressing our desire: making a request
For this last step, it’s essential to find a solution that meets both Stephanie’s and Josée’s needs. To achieve this, openness and sincere listening to each other’s needs will help resolve the problem, so that both parties emerge satisfied.
The request must be clear and concrete, and must not resemble a demand or a directive, but rather a mutual agreement. What we want is positive, constructive cooperation.
Stage 4 situation:
“Do you think next time I can finish my presentation, or at least part of it, before I listen to you share your comments or advice? In what way could I indicate to you that this is a good time to share?”
Beyond The Process Of Non-Violent Communication
Clearly, non-violent communication is not just a series of steps to follow, but an approach that transforms the way we interact with others. By learning to observe without judging, to express our feelings sincerely, to define our needs and to formulate clear requests, we create an atmosphere of trust. healthy, pleasant environment where everyone feels respected and heard. This approach takes time and practice, but the benefits are well worth the effort.
As you think about the situation between Stephanie and Josée, think about how you manage your daily conflicts. Are you ready to adopt a more empathetic and constructive style of communication?
The Flexia team can help you prevent misunderstandings with our workplace training courses in non-violent communication.
Mélanie Dionne, Partner and HR & OD Director
M. SC., CHRP and certified in management coaching
1 What is non-violent communication, Catherine Maillard, Psychologies, January 3, 2020
